Disagreements, Conflict, & Communication
Recently, I had a disagreement with my mother. She was unhappy with how I handled a situation in regards to purchasing something I needed. My box fan broke about a week ago but about a week before that, I had purchased something that was more for fun than something that had a practical use in my life (such as the box fan, which I need to sleep). When I showed her what I’d bought, I was excited because I had not only found it at a great price, but also had managed to finally get it after having waited for months to be able to do so. I then mentioned in passing that my box fan had actually stopped working and that I’d need to purchase a new one, something offhand that I would need to worry about at a later date. Her response was to tell me I needed to think about my priorities. When I told her that I’d made the fun purchase a week prior to the fan breaking, she simply repeated herself.
I would think to use the 3 R’s in this
situation. The way she dismissed my words so quickly showed me that she didn’t want
to show me the same respect I show her when she makes fun purchases. There’s always
something that she herself should be buying but instead buys something that is
more fun for herself. But no one says anything to her about it because they
respect her choices and her decisions. I don’t know if it’s because our
relationship is mother/daughter and she sees it as a ‘I can still tell you what
you should and shouldn’t do’ despite being an adult or if she genuinely didn’t
understand that her words were hurtful. The excitement I felt over the object I
bought dwindled a little because of them and it’s made me not want to tell her
again when I buy something for myself. I expect her to treat me the way I treat
her, something that she herself has taught me to do with other people, and yet
I think our relationship often gets in the way of that. Parents, I’ve noticed,
often have a harder time seeking their children as their own person rather than
just an extension of themselves.
Has anyone else ever dealt with a
conflict or disagreement like this? Have your parents ever treated you differently for
something that they themselves do just because you’re their child and not say a
friend?
I can see why this made you so upset, because you were so excited about your prior purchase. As a mom I can also understand where she is coming from because the box fan is needed to help you sleep so she wanted that to be your first priority. But you did not know that the box fan was going to break so you have extra money to buy your “fun” purchase. I feel like parents always feel like the must teach their children a lesson and to think about things before they happen. Parents want their children to always have a back up plan.
ReplyDeleteI agree that using the three RS would help in this situation. From what you said I believe your mom does have respect for you, but she wants you to make sure you have enough money to get though hard times in your life. My mom does the same thing to me, and I am 39. 😊. I just bought all new clothing because I just had a baby and I needed professional work clothing to wear at my new job. I know I need new windows and a new refrigerator because it is leaking at the bottom, and I have a towel down. It only leaks sometimes. But of-course she mentioned I should have looked at refrigerators and the window plastic cover for winter before buying clothing. You and your mom have a parent/ daughter relationship just like me and my mom. They respond to us in the way I think they feel they have too as parents. But we are all adults now. They should think before they respond to us. In both mine and or situations they would probably have bought the “fun” items as we did. We should be treated as adults, making our own choices now. They can listen to what we have done but their opinion isn’t what we are looking for.
Thank you for sharing. It is definitely fun purchasing something fun especially when you waited so long to do so. Your mother sounds “ole school” and I could definitely see my mother responding the same way. Even being on our own, our parents want to make sure that we are ok even if it is with our own money. The 3 R's would have definitely helped with the communication between you and your mom. I could see how the nonviolent communicators could have been beneficial to this situation. By expressing yourself, you could use the word “I” to express how you feel about the situation. This would allow your mom to hear you without making her feel bad about the situation.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing the conflict you had with your mother. I am an only child and I have lived with this type of situation my entire life. Mind you I get my spending habits from my mom I am sure of it. We are both impulse shoppers. Nonetheless, I think in a situation like this it is important to reply to your mother in such a way that you demonstrate you hear what she is saying and that in the future you will take her opinion into consideration. I believe your mothers intentions are to help you not to scold you.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteYour mother sounds a lot like my mother. I’m pretty sure we all have a for fun shopping habit. In my opinion. Your mom was trying to help you rather than correct you. Around this time of the year the fans are much cheaper and because of that they tend to sell out pretty fast. I think she wanted you to have the fan so you can sleep well at night.